A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
~ Louisa May Alcott

...that more or less describes my situation!

 
A very common question I encountered, in those school/college scrapbook things, is "what is the most embarrassing moment of your life?" I remember not knowing what exactly to write in this section, because I never seemed to have had occasion to be embarrassed to the point that I would actually remember the incident for later reference. Not so surprising too, because being extremely sensitive to embarrassment, especially public ones, I was careful not to get into scrapes which could likely have embarrassing outcomes.

What happened yesterday though will certainly go down as the most embarrassing moment of my life (had it happened earlier, those scrapbooks shouldn't have had one section empty). I wished either the earth would swallow me or the heavens would open up and gobble me.

To begin at the beginning. I was nominated for a prize along with a certain other person. The name of this other person was announced first as the first nomination and as I understand now, my name was announced next. Due to some disturbance in my hearing or some trick played by the Gods themselves (hah, she certainly deserves to have one embarrassing moment in life! I imagine they said), I was deceived into thinking that my name was announced as the winner instead of as the nominee. I got up from my seat and almost went up to the prize distributor. Imagine my surprise, consternation, embarassment, dejection, horror, shock.....when I noted that everyone instead of smiling or cheering, was staring awkwardly at me! ugh!! I returned to my seat trying to keep my face as grave as possible without actually resembling the graveyard. All would have been okay if I actually did receive the prize, but I didn't. It must have been one of the most embarrassing (I said that before) and toughest moments of my life, to carry on as if nothing had happened (the moment I was all alone, I cried a hearty cry).

Were I essentially a prize lover sort of person, I could have probably calmed myself more easily. But to not be awfully enamoured of such things, and yet to come across as an over-excited creature…well!

Funny though it might sound, I have to admit I have been dying of embarrassment every time am replaying the incident in my head (which must be every five minutes). This episode has made me think, not that I haven’t thought of it before, that I take myself and things too seriously at times. I guess I look at falling down or goofing up as a damage to my dignity… but guess dignity is not about not making mistakes, it’s more about making them and taking them gracefully… and I guess I should try to be, as I keep saying to myself, less afraid of making mistakes, less afraid of opening myself to strange or unfamiliar challenges, to possible embarrassments… I may fall… but it’s not one who doesn’t ever fall, but the one who keeps falling and in the process learning, who emerges a more enlightened and even a happier individual.
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 8:19 pm 0 comments

 
But true love is a durable fire,
In the mind ever burning,
Never sick, never old, never dead,
From itself never turning.
-- Sir Walter Raleigh

Wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day!
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 9:01 pm 0 comments

 
Have you read the story of the Emperor’s New Clothes? I had it as a lesson in school and it is one of those stories I have never forgotten.

I feel that most people tend to exhibit the behaviour shown by the Emperor’s subjects in the story. Let me first summarise the story (the details may be hazy).

Once upon a time (how I love stories that start like this!), there was an Emperor who wanted a new suit of clothes. A tailor offered to make the clothes from a very special piece of cloth that would be visible to all but the really foolish. The news of this magical dress spread far and wide throughout the kingdom. Finally, the day dawned when the Emperor was to present himself in a formal procession in his new finery. Thousands of subjects flocked to see him. When the Emperor made his appearance, there was pin drop silence. Soon after, loud comments of praise started ringing from different quarters. Someone praised some aspect of his dress and someone praised another. All in all, there was general agreement about how regal and majestic the Emperor looked and how the new clothes really became him. At this point, a little child was heard crying out in the crowd, “The Emperor isn’t wearing any clothes!”

I feel that most people, out of fear of being deemed foolish or in a minority, tend to keep their real opinions secret and follow whatever the majority appear to be thinking or saying. They do not give any credence to their own opinions or thought, do not analyse what they really feel about the matter, and even if they do know what they really feel, when they find it to be non-conforming, or out of tune with how others seem to feel, they keep silent. I find this attitude extremely troublesome, because what it essentially means, is that certain actions are taken or certain opinions followed, without a careful evaluation of any opposing lines of thought—because nobody dares to oppose. What is even more dangerous, is that those who do try opposing or coming up with any contrary views, find themselves in a dismal minority, find themselves to be looked upon with disfavour, and probably, over a period of time, become one of the aye-sayers!

I was reading some management related concepts the other day, and chanced upon one that talks about this. It is called the Abilene Paradox.

An excerpt from the source—

“The name of the phenomenon comes from an anecdote in the article which Harvey uses to elucidate the paradox:

On a hot afternoon visiting in Coleman, Texas, the family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a trip to Abilene [53 miles north] for dinner. The wife says, "Sounds like a great idea." The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother-in-law then says, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time."

The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted.

One of them dishonestly says, "It was a great trip, wasn't it." The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." The wife says, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored.

The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.”
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 1:15 pm 0 comments