'Tis that time of the year again. Endings, new beginnings, reflections, learnings, looking backwards, moving forwards, you get the drift. This year taught me many things but even as I was chewing on one of its greatest lessons, it reinforced that lesson with another thump. That things can change in a moment with no warning and I can't do a damn thing about it! That no matter how much I hold onto a sense of stability and try to grasp it with both hands, it will still slip through my fingers like so much sand. Instead of complaining though, I want to be thankful. Thankful that these things did not escalate more than they did and the people who mean so much to me will get through to the other side, maybe a bit battleworn, maybe later than sooner, but what matters is that they will. And I hope to learn from these lessons to cherish the moments I have with people who mean something to me. To tell them what I cherish about them and how they bring light into my life. In spite of how hard I make it for them to find a way in with their light. That's what I am taking with me into the New Year...

I read a quote that to want to be a writer and not want to be rejected is to want to be a boxer and not want to get punched... hehe... As an academic my stock-in-trade is writing. However, before I ever even imagined entering academia I was writing. I guess I have been writing since I can even remember, in my diary or wherever. And what is this blog if not a paean to my love of writing! In short, writing is my lifeblood, as natural as breathing. But this past year, writing has become part of the competitive sport one plays in academia, not what I do for pleasure (except on this blog of course ;)). And rejections or defeats are a part and parcel of that. It can feel really tough to serve up a core part of your identity, which writing is for me, for judgement and criticism. Which is why I find this quote strangely comforting. It shifts the way I look at rejections or defeats - you can't not have them and still hone your craft. I guess like boxing one must focus on playing one’s best game (though I know next to nothing about boxing) rather than avoiding punches because the only way to completely avoid them is to not play. But I am here to play so I must learn to bear the punches too. I must grow a thicker skin. Easier said than done of course. But that's another note to self I take with me into the New Year...

Here's to the New Year, dear reader... may it be full of adventure but in a kindly way! :)

Sometimes when you are looking to cheer up, something just pops up out of the blue to tell you it is okay. These words did that for me: “Life gets better when you are no longer trying to be everyone’s cup of tea”. I know that I am not everyone’s cup of tea and I don’t even want to be because that just sounds too boring and ordinary but I guess it is hard to live in a world where you are judged by those common tea standards. It is also hard when people do not realize that everyone needn’t be everyone’s cup of tea so why not meet people on their own terms instead of trying to evaluate them by common standards? It makes me want to retreat into myself and that is hard because it takes courage to even venture out when you know it’s the same tea everywhere and you are going to stand out, one way or another. It is hard to again find that courage, and it is also hard to feel like you are doomed to be misunderstood so may as well find joy inside your own shell. Which I luckily do but the world demands that you come out if you are to amount to anything. So my conundrum is how do I come out but stay in in a way that I am not hurt by outside, if you know what I mean? One way is to find people around me who give me the same comfort that I find inside, people who are my cup of tea or people who do not keep trying to box me into some universal cup of tea. That’s what I try to do but that is also hard because people are hard…

Why should we prove

Who we are

To all and sundry?

Why make our efforts

Count for something

In the eyes of

Tom, Dick and Harry?

Who are they

To judge

What springs forth

From the innermost

Recesses

Of one's mind or heart?

And how are they

To weigh

Or measure

The depth you

Have to go

To recover

Those treasures?

Only some

With a kindred spirit

Can directly gauge

What others can never

Find

No matter how hard

They look

Pretend and fake

They might

But it's not theirs

Nor will they ever

Grasp

What comes easily

To those few

Them

Rare as they are

I am grateful to

For showing me

How to disregard

The noise

Of emptiness

And live

As I would

With no desire

Nor care

To be

Judged

By the world

And all

Its self-appointed

Minions

~ Me

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I have to admit I am a bit under the weather. This year gave me much needed stability in some ways but it has also shaken the ground under my feet in some other ways. One that relates to home and there is some light at the end of the road there finally. And another that relates to one of those rare kindred spirits whom I look up to very much and whose influence has been very much instrumental to my growth in the last many years. I have faith that things will be looking up as we turn the corner of this year and I will be speaking from a happier place... I can only look forward to being there very soon!