The sun does not have to

Make a case

For its brightness

Nor the moon

Write proofs

Of its beauty

The things that stand out

For their attributes

Must stand for themselves

Compel us

Move us

To give credit

To what we

Cannot but

Lay witness to

There is a lesson

To learn

From these

Luminous agents

To not argue or contend or justify

What is most precious in us

For to those who have an eye

It must, it has to, be visible

And for those who don't

No number of arguments

Could sufficiently paint

A picture of one's merit

Just as the blind man

Cannot encounter the glory of the sun or the moon

With copious description.

~Me

I wonder if it is a feature of modern life in general. At times I feel a sense of overriding ambition, a desire to do great things, achieve great things, find recognition, move ahead of the pack, maximise my potential etc… and at other times, I want to escape, give up everything, disappear into the quiet, become invisible, accept that life is meaningless and everything that comes with it. This mood yo-yos from this to that in a single day depending on what I choose to focus attention on or what event is prominent in my mind. Perhaps everyone feels this because we can’t help but get sucked into the world we live in and we can’t help but wish we didn’t have to. Sometimes I think about the peaceful folk back in my native place of Mangalore—perhaps they too aren’t that peaceful anymore—but when I think about how things used to be in my childhood, the daily rhythm of simply existing and doing the few things that kept existence going with small enjoyments in between. Those folks never really bothered with the big questions of what their life is all about and if they are really meeting its purpose but in living simply they were defining it in their own way. This simplicity of living is perhaps lost in our modern worlds. We are not satisfied by just the day-to-day motions which admittedly do not have that same comforting rhythm… even our routines are hurried, gathering momentum, catering to the future rather than the present. The goals we have for the year, what we did, what we could have done, what we plan to do… we think of everything in terms of performance, productivity, accomplishment, achievement, not so much about the satisfaction, the pleasure, the joy in the doing itself. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even possible to centre our lives around the latter in a world that is constantly thrusting the former way of being onto you?

I keep thinking about how to attain more balance, how to be more tranquil in who and where I am, about how to be at peace with myself and all around me, how to just 'be' perhaps than to 'become'.

I have finally got a firm foothold on the proverbial mountain I have been referring to for more than a year now! The funny thing is that when you anticipate something for so long and then it finally happens, you'd think I'd be a lot more jubilant. I guess I am not one of those people whom you'll ever catch jumping with joy or excitement. Especially if I have planned and struggled and worked hard to get something, I suppose I feel relief or a sense of satisfaction that tends to have a calm facade. It's not as if I am not happy but it's a tempered happiness that takes stock of the present, past, future etc. and doesn't exaggerate the event too much... because much still needs to be done... and I am not yet there. 

The summit is too far but the fact that I have reached this point means it is ever more in my reach. Though in a rather profound sense, I have never doubted I would be here... because if I had come even this far from where I was, it was never to come only this far.