I have been thinking about "shared history" with people and how we value it. It struck me that the more we get to know a person, the more a lot of things go without being said, the more the dynamics of interaction become implicit rather than explicit, even the explicit things refer to things formerly said or done, you have 'inside jokes' and so on. This perhaps explains a sort of comfort we feel around people we already know because we have already gone through the laborious and emotionally intensive process of dropping our facades (to the extent that the relationship requires), making ourselves known, revealing ourselves so to speak. You don't have to second guess where you are with them or plan your moves because you "know", based on the shared history, how far you can go, what would work, what buttons not to press...

In this context I wonder how memory makes a difference. People generally talk about memory in terms of potential to do tasks or take tests or other such things largely individual oriented (at least that's what I have noticed) but rarely in terms of how it mediates in relationships (at least I haven't come across this). Seems to me that the better one's memory the better one would be able to hold up something like a shared history or better one would be able to draw from this resource to engage with those they know. By better I don't mean the relationship would be better. Might actually be the contrary because, for instance, you might not be able to let go of minor resentment. But better in the sense that you would be developing more of an understanding of that person over a period of time as the memory accumulates, wouldn't you? It's a hypothesis but one could argue understanding could happen at a more subconscious level than conscious memory level? Possible I suppose. I guess why I see the conscious memory playing a role is that when someone appears to forget something I might have told them, the thought occurs to me that had they remembered they would have had a different type of knowledge/understanding of me. But if they forgot, then we don't have the same understanding or the shared history that I thought we had? Not to say that I think people have the same shared history in their heads. Even without the memory aspect, interpretations of events for example could differ. But I am just wondering how different memory capacities make a difference.

Reminds me how in India when we go to any small shop or veg vendor or the like and want to bargain, we tend to say that we have always shopped with that person... as if that automatically qualifies us for a discount. Of course, you could call it the same as loyalty to brand, but I am wondering if it isn't sort of capitalising on shared history? The stuff or veggies are not unique (not a brand really) but you are claiming you know that person, have always bought from them and in this sense have a "relationship". It's an interesting line of thought...

Is there a light

At the end of the tunnel

I wonder sometimes

Or does the tunnel

Keep stretching and stretching

Till the end

Till end of time

Ahead

A glimmer, a beam

Just enough

To go on

To not fall or break

But by a very thin

Or delicate

Fine thread

It grows too dark

Off and on

Makes you wonder

If it's not just a trick

Or a joke

Played on your senses

Or maybe

You play it

On yourself

For what else is there

If not this little light

Or little sign

To carry weary step

Maybe just maybe

I will reach it

If I just keep on

I tell myself

But days like this

It seems too much

Or too little

To fool

Even myself.

~Me

I am feeling quite brave and proud today. I had a haircut. It might seem like a small thing to a regular person but for me it’s one of those things that have always seemed rather life or death. I mean, with most other bad decisions no one needs to know anything but this one is rather in your face… or in your hair. I suppose it’s not just the thing going wrong which it usually doesn’t because I rarely do anything out of the ordinary but also the whole over-planning and over-strategising and overthinking in general that I end up doing before the fact. What should I say, how should I say it, do I venture a little bit further than usual, will they be experienced enough or will I get a trainee person thrust on me, how do I ask my hundred questions without putting them on edge… you get the drift? And with all of this stuff the added complication of getting it done in a new habitat where I am completely lost about the niceties and protocols in this department.

I had zeroed in on a haircut person back in Mumbai and I would always go to him time after time. So this conundrum had been unfamiliar to me for a while. I don’t want to sound completely feral but the last time I got it done was a bit more than a year ago in Dubai when I went for a visit. I thought I would feel more comfortable there or more closer to home in the way I could discuss what I wanted. Before that it was on earlier visits to Mumbai. That way I had avoided getting it done here in the UK so far. But now with the state of the pandemic ridden world not getting any better and nor the state of my hair, I realised I had to take courage in both hands and get the deed done.

I ventured half-anxious and half-determined. It being a Wednesday perhaps the place was not as crowded. Which put me immediately at ease. I had intended for a simple trim. I thought it might be a good idea to just do the bare minimum to see what they get up to rather than going my regular interrogation route. The chap who came over seemed benign enough (no reason why he shouldn’t have been…hehe!) and I felt a bit more at ease. He asked me if I wanted a bit more layering and it seemed like the jargon of the hair cutting people wasn’t all that different anywhere! I felt even more comfortable and before I knew it I had agreed to the layering thing as well. But not too much, that’s where I put my foot down. I have this one caveat that I always think prudent to mention: the length must not be compromised and I want it to look voluminous. It always seems like a good way to secure everything. If it looks more voluminous than before then I still had nothing to complain about! :)

The haircut chap snippity snipped barely five minutes and it looked as good as new, I must say! More than that it felt pretty good. I always feel like a bit of a new person after a haircut but I guess it was so overdue that I almost felt my hair thanking me with joy and happiness!

All in all, that went well. I got the chap’s name so looks like I have managed to settle matters for the future as well ;)

Something makes me think of these beautiful lines today…

Deep in my soul that tender secret dwells,

Lonely and lost to light for evermore,

Save when to thine my heart responsive swells,

Then trembles into silence as before.

 ~ Lord Byron