I had an interesting conversation with a Greek colleague. I had not realised how much a knowledge of Greek offers a leverage over English as well. Though I have come across etymology of English words traced to the Greek roots, I suppose I never inferred that an actual Greek person would be able to catch deeper meanings in a word where to me the word was just a static symbol for one meaning. We were talking generally about what actions might be perceived as ethical or not, and he gave me the example of what if a person called somebody an idiot. I said if they were just stating a fact, it might not be unethical? To which he said that 'idiot' in Greek is more like someone who has been ostracized from the community. He then gave me the word 'barbarian'. Apparently the 'baar baar' was the sound the Greeks thought non-Greeks made when they spoke. Onomatopoeic. Hence the '’bar’ ‘bar’ -ian'.

All this makes me think of the Chinese language which I am getting to know from the ground up these days. This language system is nothing like any other I know, even Indian ones. Normally you string different alphabets with specific sounds together, and by the way you do it, you make a word which sounds like the alphabets would sound together. Every word has a meaning which could be slightly nuanced in a sentence. But Chinese is like a big box of pictures and sounds. Some pictures can be mixed with other pictures to mean something. Like this is the picture/character for a woman 女 and this for a child 子. The picture character for ‘good’ is their combination 好. This ‘good’ is the 'hao' in 'ni hao' which if you are familiar with Chinese greetings is used to say 'hello'. But what it literally means is 'you good?'. I kind of feel it would be helpful if we are told the term means 'you good?' because then one knows what ni means and what hao means. And it isn't odd at all because English people commonly greet with 'you alright?'. The point I was driving towards is that the Chinese character sort of embeds a historical record of its own evolution, its meaning associations, and so on. With English, all you have is a bare word. But that same word for a Greek person is almost like the Chinese character with numerous associations. They encounter a whole history in it which the rest of us are blind to.

------

Pic: Zhāng lao shī shared pieces of paper with our names in Chinese...

My brand-new bed had some assembly issues. The chaps who came to assemble it did it in such a tearing hurry that I figured it out only once they were gone. Nothing so serious that I couldn't use it, but when I am paying for something it’s only fair to expect a proper product. But of course reporting it means more disruption. The bed people said they'll send a 'technician' over. I have to say that English people use English words in a way that tickles me in a nice way sometimes... hehe... maybe because of my love of words I notice it more keenly when I encounter a word in a context I normally wouldn’t.

So today three huge men (I say huge because I was intimidated by their number and height together) arrive to check on the bed issue. One of them was clearly the seniormost, based on age and demeanour. The middle guy (again based on age and demeanour) held onto the mattress. The young one, who seemed to be doing the observing and learning, stood a bit away from the door. Seniormost man started poking around and drilling near the bed frame. At one point he asked if their company had assembled it? That obviously didn't sound good. When he was done checking everything, he admitted people just didn't do things right anymore. Middle person nodded and said seniormost guy was really quite old in this business. Apparently one of the sideboards was longer than it should be :(

As they were leaving, seniormost said, "in two weeks, you'll see this handsome man again". I said, "or maybe three". To which he says, "there's only one handsome man here, the rest are ugly and ugliest". Hehe... these old English folks and their banter ;)

----

Clicked the scene outside as I was walking away from my apartment block on a rainy morning this week…

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

—T.S. Eliot, Four Quartets

We use the word 'journey' to describe life very often, but it seems to me, that what we really do is see life as a series of stops or destinations. The moment a child is born, parents mark the stops: crawling, walking, running... then comes schooling, you finish schooling, the child is already thinking of the next stop, university, job, etc. Then there are the other life stops like marriage, kids, property, etc. Then you might be planning for your kids' stops in turn and your own ones at work: titles, annual appraisals, transitions, and what not. You are always thinking of the next stop in a way. What would it even mean to truly experience life as a journey? I suppose it's not just a question of how I as an individual can do that when we are living in systems and structures that force us to plan for and orient ourselves to stops. I cannot do as I please at least when it comes to things outside of my own personal ambit and control. I may not want to think of a next step but not thinking about it won't make it go away or make it any easier for me. I could literally miss the bus. Like if a child does not go to university, a lot of things could become outside of their reach. If a person does not save for retirement, they may not be allowed to continue the job to support themselves. In many ways it does not seem like we 'choose' to think of stops. The question might be how do you not let this stop orientation overwhelm the experience of your journey perhaps? How to not let the stops you have passed (or not) determine your future direction? How to not let the stops stop you in your tracks? How to let go of the stops to an extent? As they say, none of us are coming out of this alive anyway...

One of the stories in the Ramayana never made sense to me as a kid when I first came across it on television. It still doesn't. I may not have all the details right but the broad strokes of it is: Sita, Lord Rama's wife, is kidnapped by the demon Ravana. After much warring and what not, Sita is rescued from the demon. However, when it comes time for Sita to return to her king and kingdom, Rama banishes her to the forest. He listens to rumours from his subjects doubting the purity of his wife. To uphold his duty to the throne, he decides to not bring Sita back.

I find the whole thing difficult to digest because Rama is supposed to be a morally upright character. In this case I suppose he is deemed to show his uprightness by in a way sacrificing his own happiness for the good of the kingdom. What bothers me is that 'good' here is equated to submitting to the opinions or gossip of random people (even if subjects), to maintaining a fragile notion of reputation, to keeping up appearances instead of siding with truth, to hurting someone who loved and was loyal to him, and so on. I think what I felt then as I do now is that moral strength or goodness must be about doing what is good despite what other people might feel, say, or think. It must be internally calibrated. If it follows the direction of people sentiment, what good is it?

I have had the most eventful one month or so I should say, where the ‘house’ project is concerned. It felt like for months together nothing was moving and then suddenly, in April, everything fell in place. When I was back from London, I had a properly painted house and almost done flooring. It looked like home finally and I feel like home finally! In the last few days or so, pretty much all the furniture I selected and ordered in London has arrived as well. Surveying all my handiwork, of course in the broadest sense possible ;), I feel a sense of pride, accomplishment, contentment,... a whole lot of emotions. I think of when I first had this idea of getting my place, the ups and downs since then, and this moment... and I want to pat myself on the back and hug me. I suppose in a very profound sense I am looking back at not just the last few years but even the first few years of my life... and the whole arc again feels very emotional to me (maybe a story for another day). The fact that I have almost done all of this stuff on my own also carries its own weight.

All this may seem easy-peasy to lots of people, but it's very much outside my comfort zone. One of the reasons for my sense of satisfaction is not just because I have a lovely house to live in and a lovely view to look out of (sharing a pic of my favourite nook on that point), but because of the growth I have experienced in this whole space of time. A year ago I had never booked a painter, did not know the difference between LVT, laminate and vinyl, did not know about the different kinds of curtains and the intricacies of getting them custom-made vs. buying readymade, did not know where I could get good furniture from, had never visited a John Lewis (ever) or an Ikea in the UK or local furniture suppliers, had never designed spaces for my own house, had never thought of size of objects vs. size of spaces to accommodate them in (I am now handy with my measuring tape ;)), had never laid on top of different beds to find out what suited me, had never interacted with so many tradesfolk, etc etc etc.... you get the picture? It's been a ride and it's been worth it in the end in more ways than I can count :)