An annoying exchange happened while I was at Manchester airport on the way back from Copenhagen. I do not have to tell you that I am a highly anxious and highly strung person when I am not in my comfort zone. And if there is one place that's the very opposite of my comfort zone, it is the airport. Everything about the airport, from all the random rules and regulations, to the arbitrary checks and scrutinies particularly for nationalities like mine, to the new technologies introduced that make things only more complicated than they have to be, long queues and waits,... everything really makes me a nervous wreck. But for all that, I was quite happy to finally be in this queue to finish up the border control procedures at Manchester airport before heading homewards. There was this young Indian couple right ahead of me. The woman went to the booth first. The guy was standing there for his turn. An official at a booth farther away waved to the guy to come forward. He didn't seem to notice so I said to him that he was being called. As his back was facing me, it was unlikely he heard me. So I had to tap his backpack and tell him. It's quite possible my voice was hurried or urgent which to me seems perfectly natural in a situation like this. He looked around with a sour expression and as he walked away to that booth, said to me in a very condescending tone and gesture: 'chill', 'relax'. I was completely thrown away by this utterly unexpected and unkind remark, and looked behind me at the Chinese lady who must have witnessed all this. She too shared my bemusement. I couldn't help overthink my own actions all the way back—what had I done wrong? It seems to me the chap should have actually thanked me for drawing his attention. I didn't really need to. My expression and tone might have been hurried because I was seeing the official waving at us, but it certainly wasn't rude. 

I know I should just ignore the whole thing because it does not deserve my headspace. But being the sensitive person I am, whenever I am made to feel guilty, I cannot help reflect on whether I merit the charge in some way. I know I am neither a 'relaxed' nor a 'chill' sort of person by constitution. A lot of things that come very easily to most people require a tremendous amount of energy, effort, and struggle from me (and there are some things that come very easily to me that many others might consider difficult). I try to do what I can to do my difficult things. Mostly I try to do them without help because very few will understand my difficulties. Like going into a restaurant with a very different food ordering and catering system. Sounds like 'no big deal', right? Well, it is for me! Obviously, that makes me very unrelaxed and unchill in my head in certain situations that are par for the course for most. I try as much as I can to not transfer my anxieties to others. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I am too overwhelmed. Which is why when someone says something like this, it can hurt on many levels... Like I have failed in spite of all the hidden work...

I'm sure the balanced part of my brain will kick in soon and I will be back to embracing the totally unrelaxed, unchill person that I am. I'd rather be too much rather than too little or chill any day ;)