To Be or Not To Be

A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
-- Louisa May Alcott.
...........hmmm....that more or less describes my situation !!

~A Wise Man Said~

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
-- Aristotle

Friday, February 22, 2002
I made a promise to a friend and like every one of my promises, I wished to fulfill it. The promise moreover, was made at my own initiative. I wanted to dedicate a piece of writing on a subject of his choice on my blog. He wouldn't suggest a topic; I had to coax and coerce it from him. What put this idea into my head, I don't know. Maybe the thought of how happy he would be to read something that I had written for him. Maybe the thought that while my blog was about me, it should also reflect something about my friends.

But I wasn't prepared for my own inability. "Simplicity", he said, and at that moment I very much wanted to ask him to think of something more emotional perhaps, or something more abstract, but I knew I couldn't or rather, I shouldn't. It would be the same as asking someone to choose his favourite fruit and then say, "Oh but, don't choose a mango" or "Don't choose grapes". I might as well do the choosing myself.

I tried. I like to think I tried very much and very hard and yet, I never managed to write a word on "simplicity". If only some divine inspiration would come to me, I prayed, but I still couldn't. Everytime I took up my pen, it seemed to acquire an energy of its own and meander into a different route. I could never make it pass through the one I so much wanted it to.

I don't call myself a writer, only one who can make an honest attempt at writing. It wasn't as if there was nothing I could write about simplicity, but something was stopping me. What that something was, I don't know. The word did not seem to represent or suggest any ideas but it stood more like a solid block staring me in the face, everytime I thought of it. Perhaps the fire of feeling (for the subject) that drives most of my writing was missing here and perhaps I was afraid I would disappoint him, however hard I tried.

Finally I’ve come to a conclusion…..I cannot write about his chosen topic ..........if I cannot give him my best, I will not give him anything less. This gesture was meant to be a little token of my friendship for him...…..I wish I could offer the token in the very form I had promised..........but even so, I hope he will accept it.

(I will not carry out such an experiment again.......but through other ways and means.......will devote some space here to my friends.....)