To Be or Not To Be
A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
-- Louisa May Alcott.
...........hmmm....that more or less describes my situation !!
~A Wise Man Said~
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
~When in Lancaster~
Life as PhD Student
Encyclopedia of Philosophy
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
A sweet friend of mine said to me --
"Are friends for real, I wonder aloud
Or just those beings, that pass like a cloud!"
It took a moment before i realised -- those were my own words; part of a collection of a few poems that I had shared with him a while ago.
hmm...How experiences change perceptions! What only seems a hollow emotion, upon experience, surprises us with depth and what seems an impossibility, upon experience, gains the stamp of truth.
I never had what everyone seemed to have and what I would have given anything to have: A Best Friend. It was very rarely that I came upon people of my own wavelength, maybe because it was not in my nature to actively seek out people or maybe it was just plain luck. But those times that I did come upon such, the small ever-persistent negative voice inside me would whisper that maybe he or she already is someone's best friend. The idea that someone's best friend could also be my best friend either didn't penetrate me or perhaps I looked at it from my own rigid point of view. There could only be one best and not two.
As time passed, I resigned myself to the thought that such a deep friendship was not written for me. Arrogantly, I would also tell myself that this is someone's loss, not mine. For all that, it never diminished the hurt I felt when I thought I had so much to give, so much to share...but no one to whom my soul could so respond to. I did not lack friends, I wanted a Best Friend.
I had once written about my inability to believe in God. I don't, true, for all the logical reasons. But when I ask my heart and it shows me the picture of someone, who at the most unexpected of times and unlikeliest of ways came into my life and went on to become my best friend, am more than inclined to.
I cannot think of it as anything short of a miracle that one of my dearest of wishes should come true, a wish not only of a best friend, but of one who would be everything to me that I wanted my best friend to be.
Those days when I used to yearn for a best friend, seem so far away now and those words I used to comfort myself with, that "you're your own best friend", so untrue! I've now experienced the friendship I had only once dreamed about, and am so happy to say, friends are indeed real.....there's just no doubt!