A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
-- Louisa May Alcott.
...........hmmm....that more or less describes my situation !!

 
A friend was telling me that these days I seem to blog because I have to blog and not because I want to. I don't know if my posts reflect this, but I do hope not. It’s not that I have nothing to say, just that so much of effort goes into mulling over the whole thing and culling out right words, that the lazy me conquers always.

Since a very long time one topic has been on my mind, but somehow never ended up discussing it here --
Love Marriages vs. Arranged Marriages.

Its funny the way our own opinions keep changing. Being a very conventional-minded person right from my cradle, so to speak, I was always in favour of arranged marriages. Don't remember what exactly my arguments were in favour of them, but the fact that my parents' marriage was an arranged one may have everything to do with it (not because it was the happiest but something of the like-father-like-son syndrome).

Coming to the present, I would neither vote for the one or the other. I cannot even see how a 'type' of marriage itself can guarantee success or failure of it.

Sometimes people give examples of certain very successful arranged marriages to prove how infallible it is, and then some others give examples of certain love relationships turned into matrimony to prove their cause. There are examples to the opposite effect too in both cases, but these they would tout as exceptions, depending on which side of the fence they are favouring.

I myself have come to the belief that be it a love marriage or an arranged one, as long as certain ingredients are present, both hold equal chances.

If two people were to simply see each other and confess themselves in love with each other, I would have to wonder why there should be any reason why a marriage between these two persons should be successful unless it were pure luck. They might continue to be in love with each other for some time but don't they say, "Love is blind". In this blind state the couple would carry on magnifying each other’s perfections and ignoring like so many spots on the moon, the not-so-desirable traits and one day reality, or rather, marriage, sets in.

The perfections appear in their normal hues and the spots do not become smaller because there is no moon. They wonder what they ever saw in each other in the first place but no answers come, other than the obvious.

On the arranged marriage front, two people meet each other, are more or less satisfied with each other’s personal attributes, speak a few words (not having been in like position yet, can't tell what!) and confess themselves not displeased. The parents arrange for everything, and the D-day is done with.

The couple slowly get to realize in their day-to-day lives that there is not a thing in common between them. No ground at all where they can meet. No wonder they never meet.

I myself feel that whether it is 'love' or whether 'arranged', as long as there is mutual understanding and trust, a practical assessment of each other’s compatibilities and a consciousness that no matter how hard, the relationship is worth all the effort to make it work...not for now but for ever...there is every chance that it will succeed.

I believe in emotions tested by time…not like the intense but momentary flame that starts up, burns bright and flickers away...but calm, constant and ever-present like the sun…


posted by Sylvia D'souza at 8:59 pm 0 comments