To Be or Not To Be

A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
-- Louisa May Alcott.
...........hmmm....that more or less describes my situation !!

~A Wise Man Said~

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
-- Aristotle

Monday, July 28, 2008

I wonder why is it that we weigh ourselves down under the burden of our own expectations. This is the question bothering me and making me sad. I feel that if I learnt to expect a little less from people, I would learn to make myself a little more happier. But, how do you do that? How do you expect less? I believe that we expect only from those who are close to us; I expect from my mother or brother, but I don’t expect from the lamppost down the road. In that sense, having expectations seems like a healthy sign. A sign that the bond is close enough for one to demand, or expect if you will. But, how do you manage expectations? How do you say how much expectation is good expectation and how much is unreasonable? Another thing is, what if different people have different levels or standards of expectation? I may be able to go catch the moon but what if you cannot? Am I not bearing you down by expecting you to go catch the moon because I easily can? But, looking at it the other way, if I can give you the moon, isn’t it only fair if I would also like to be given the moon? Then, if you cannot give me the moon, and, I feel let down, what do I do? How do I manage my expectation? Do I give less and expect less? And how does one do that? Isn’t that almost like saying, give more and expect more? Can one easily do that?

What bothers me really is that when my expectations are not met, I start questioning the relationship itself. For example, if I feel that my brother, like a good brother, should do so and so for me—if he doesn’t, I may start wondering if he even loves me as much! Isn’t that dangerous—weighing people’s love for you by how much they measure up to your expectations? But then, what about the expectations? Where do they figure? Is one supposed to just plain let go of them and become Mother Teresa … giving and giving, but not expecting in return? What if one weren’t born a saint?

Hmm… these are the puzzles and jumbles my mind is playing with … if only human beings were simple and human emotions simpler…