Do
you ever go through pangs of self-doubt? Feel like you are not good enough?
Like whatever little you have achieved you do not deserve? As if you will be
found out very soon—people will realise how incapable you are and call you an
impostor, a deceiver, and laugh in your face. Like you need to hide every
moment because if people see you, there will be more chances of being found
out. As if you are hiding some secret that mustn’t come out and when you
surprise yourself asking what secret, you don’t really know.
I
know I must be sounding like an idiot already trying to make too much of
probably nothing—but the truth is, I have millions of moments of self-doubt
when I wish somebody would just shake me and tell me I am okay. I may not be an
Einstein but I am not a fool either. Okay, I know I am not a fool and nobody
needs to tell me that—but what shall I say? The world has created so many
medals for everything and the opportunity to win those medals is not given to
everyone. Getting those medals brings you more opportunity for medals and more
of those tangible titles that make you a desired commodity in the eyes of the
world. Those who do not have those medals or those things that those medals
bring, no matter what else they came into the world with, don’t find themselves
standing as tall. It’s like one of those cycles where if you start with
something you can keep multiplying it, and the more you start with, the more it
multiplies, but if you have nothing to start with, you remain at ground zero. Vicious
circle is the word that goes I guess.
Well,
not to be too brooding or negative, there are lots of people in the world who fought
against the zero and made something out of nothing. Which is why we admire and
look up to them. Where they got the confidence from is what I wonder. They
responded to the call of their own hearts and earned medals in the final round—even
without passing all those fancy levels.
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 7:19 pm
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