I haven't felt so out of hope
in a long while. In the last few years certain things turned out in my favour
after a long hard road and I learnt the lesson that if you stick it out, the
road will be eventually smoother. This year has thrown a huge spanner in the
works with everything taking a nosedive with the pandemic and I have been
trying very hard to keep my equanimity. At every little failure I have kept my
chin up and looked toward the next possibility. But today, when the nth time I
met with failure, it was like a dam burst inside me. It became a bit
overwhelming. I had to finally look up and say to God that my patience is
wearing out, that I could see no path ahead, that I would be forced to admit
defeat if things went on this way...
The other day I read about this
story in the ancient Indian epic, Mahabharata. I don't remember its details (so
don’t quote me on it ;)) but it was to the effect that two people were fighting
with each other arguing that the other should keep a piece of property as it
rightfully belonged to the other and not themselves. They go to Yudhishtara (I
think) and while they are thus fighting he excuses himself for a few minutes.
When he's back they happen to be fighting for the opposite cause, that is, to
keep the property for themselves. Yudhishtara says that kal or time had changed
with virtue giving way to greed. What struck me about this story was the
concept of “kal” or “time” not as a flow of passive temporality within which humanity
lives out its lives and concerns but as something meaningful in itself, or something
that shapes our lives and concerns rather than simply hanging in the background
like a calendar. The reason this idea feels salient to me now is that time
appears to have suddenly turned against us at the turning of 2020 and we seem
to have entered a bad time so to speak. And all we can do now is wait for
"time" to change gears...because none of this is in our control. It
is up to time to speak.
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 3:09 am
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