What I’m going to say may sound un-empathetic or even arrogant but that’s not where I am coming from at all. I guess seeing things from a fundamentally “thinking” perspective rather than “feeling” (recall my post on MBTI and that I am an INTJ with T being Thinking), makes me see this very differently. I’m referring to a tendency that seems quite dominant in almost every context to coddle mediocrity or make it seem okay to be just okay or mediocre or to make it seem as if expecting more from oneself is almost like punishing oneself or denying oneself “self-care”. This mediocrity is so rampant that if a person makes it quite plain that certain things are just beyond their capacity no matter how much they try, the answer from a “feeling” population will usually be that whatever they are doing is enough and others need to recognise this and not trouble this person—because they are clearly trying their best. The term “impostor syndrome” has lost all meaning because everyone is suffering from this syndrome apparently. The term is meant to imply a person who is actually quite good but doesn’t believe in themselves. They suspect they are just an impostor trying to fool others and not competent at all. The real test of whether one is suffering from this syndrome or in actual fact an impostor is that the one with the syndrome will usually get good external feedback. This will make them think that they are successful in fooling people rather than that they know their stuff…because of the syndrome. The one who is an impostor or technically incompetent does not usually receive good feedback from the external world; however, because everyone these days is supposed to be competent at everything and only suffering from impostor syndrome, instead of taking this feedback seriously the actual impostor will continue to think they are suffering from impostor syndrome and that people around them just don’t get them.

While it might seem like I am putting down people as incompetent, on the contrary, I am not using the word incompetent in general as a label for the person but incompetent in the context of the work the person is trying to do. This could mean that someone who has absolutely no ability to write keeps trying to get published, keeps getting negative feedback, keeps feeling discouraged, then being told by all and sundry that they only need to keep making an effort, and they will get there. What irks me is that it seems as if the feelers are being empathetic and helping this person gain confidence, but in actual fact they are only derailing the process of introspection and self-evaluation, and what is more important, denying them the possibility of exploring options where they might actually find fulfilment instead of being met with constant frustration.

I guess it also boils down to the question of whether people would prefer to spend their lives doing things they excel at or intrinsically enjoy, or alternatively, doing things that they have somehow stumbled into and wouldn’t mind just getting by. If it is the latter, then my way of thinking or advice would be at odds and the feelers are right in giving the person false comfort. They are not telling this person what they already do know but making them feel validated for the conscious choice of mediocrity. It works in general because everyone in this tribe is looking for the same general validation or commiseration… anyone questioning the validity of this choice on the other hand might be seen as a villain for reasons that are explicitly different from the implicit ones just pointed out.