I believe that you are born with a certain nature, or in philosophical terms, I believe essence precedes existence rather than the other way round as existentialists claim. And that nature predetermines a sort of destiny. If someone were to ask me why I "chose" a particular path or made a certain life decision, I would not know what to say to them. I am rendered quite dumb when people ask questions they have no business to precisely because they aren't close enough to me to reveal my thought processes and if I give a conventional bland answer—which I am forced to—I am forced into being inauthentic. But to return to the main point, while it might seem to myself as well as to the world that I chose something, and in a way I did too, the range of choice is predetermined to a large extent. I cannot but be true to who I am and this tenacity to be true to who I am was also sort of given to me. I did not choose it… the choice was made for me.

This is why I am far more reconciled to my "choices" now than when I was younger; then I felt a sort of rebellion against my own choices or against the world for denying me choices. When it seemed as if I was "making choices" very intentionally among an (apparent) world of possibilities every choice seemed like an immense responsibility, especially if it wasn't a conventional "choice". The more I have come to appreciate how many of my choices were not choices at all in any actual sense, the more the burden of these choices has lightened for me… I feel a sort of peace because if I was given such a nature then it was given to fulfil that nature and if the fulfilment of that nature demands certain choices as opposed to others, then I am simply following my own path.