I was getting a take-away pizza on my way home on Friday evening. The server had an extra package on top of the pizza box. When I looked at him quizzically, he said it's a 'croissant on the house'. And that made me happy... hehe! I don't know where I get this from. It could be a middle-class Indian thing? Or could be the scarcity mindset I grew up in? Maybe both compounded? But anything 'for free' is guaranteed to make me happy. If it comes right out of the blue, then even more so. If it's something I like or could use, even more so. But even if it's not particularly my thing, a free thing is a free thing. It will still give me a boost ;)

I have wondered about this because... there was a time I couldn't afford the simple pleasures of life. It made sense then that I would feel happy to get stuff that I (or my family) might not have extra money to spend on. But now that's not the case. So, I am not really sure why? It kind of makes me realise how much our early experiences count, how much of a weight they have even much later in our lives... When I was walking about M&S recently, I suddenly reflected that now if I was choosing to not buy something, it was for all kinds of reasons but never because it was too expensive. I mean, even if I thought to myself something was too expensive, it wasn't that I couldn't afford to buy it. I just felt it wasn't worth buying. And when I thought about this, I stopped to savour this feeling. A feeling that nothing in this shop was inaccessible to me. I could buy whatever my heart desired. I wanted to feel the feeling really. It felt quite luxurious. Quite lush. This is what people born into money or even comfort might have been feeling from their childhood years? They never had to earn this feeling. I wonder how different their orientation to life must be? I doubt they feel a rush of delight when they get something for free?

But I don't let these thoughts run away with me. My early years have taught me to be careful with money, to be prudent, to save, to not waste stuff, etc... Sometimes I find it hard to figure out what the balance is because I have never really lived in a balanced state, if you know what I mean? I do not want to spend too much but nor do I want to spend too little. That's why I decided to treat myself to a pizza on Friday evening. And when I got the croissant, I knew I made the right choice ;)