I was heading towards the printer at my usual brisk pace the other day and almost collided into someone as I turned a corner. This person whom I know asked how I was doing, I said 'good', smiled, and kept walking. A few steps later I was mortified to realise, hang on, I should have asked too! They will think me awfully rude. But it was too late...

It reminded me of this one moment that rewinds in my mind off and on. Someone very dear to me said to me once that I never asked them how they were doing. It stunned me to hear that. Not because what they said wasn't true - it was. But because I never thought asking this question would ever be seen as an indication of anything meaningful. To me the 'how are you?' is a polite pleasantry, a bit like a 'hi', a greeting; it doesn't mean they really care to know how I am. Initially when I heard the English equivalent 'are you alright?', it confused me because it sounded like it was coming from a place of care. It turned out to be a sister of 'how are you?'...hehe! They are just words people mouth unthinkingly to acknowledge your presence. They are not genuinely interested in how you are doing or if you are indeed alright. It just happens that I am bad at mouthing words that don't mean anything. It just doesn't come to me the way it comes to naturally social people. Which is why when this person very dear to me remarked that I didn't ask how they were, as something that hurt them, I was rendered speechless. I thought we were beyond pleasantries and here they were judging my level of care by what I thought was an uncaring pleasantry! I just did not know how to explain to them it was actually the opposite! But in that moment I also realised that perhaps not asking this question to someone I did care about meant I never gave them a chance to tell me how they were doing. Not as a politely meaningless question but a genuine inquiry? After that I pointedly reminded myself to ask this… because I did care.