To Be or Not To Be

A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
~ Louisa May Alcott

...that more or less describes my situation!

~A Wise Man Said~

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
~ Aristotle
Saturday, January 19, 2019
 
Special day today :)
Guess I have mentioned before… I organise my holidays to spend my birthday with the family… it’s never been so far, in spite of my travels and stay abroad, that I missed even a single time. Though the members of my family have expanded and contracted and spread out in recent years… I try to at least be around the core which happens to be my mom…
I somehow tend to feel wistful and nostalgic on this day, not sure why…where most people are perhaps joyful and happy on their special days, I tend to feel a rather sweet sadness, if that makes sense…not that I remember all or indeed most of my birthdays...I remember certain moments, fragments, scraps, snapshots… but the one feeling I remember overwhelmingly is this feeling of wistfulness… as of something passing that could never be got back but not really knowing if it was worth holding onto, as of wondering what the next year might bring, as of seeing myself as through a prism of time… reflection, contemplation…that’s the mood I usually find myself in… I woke up today thinking to myself that in my younger years I focused on what special things I would do on my birthday… but now I feel thankful if it’s a generally nice day… if I am surrounded by loving people and a cocoon of comfort and warmth… I guess I couldn’t ask for more and if more there be, I would treat it as a bonus… not as something I have a right to demand…
Over the years I have realised that everything must be treated as a boon and blessing… I am entitled to nothing… I feel like it’s made me a more humble person… more detached in a good way… less bound up in expectations… I feel even more grateful when people do nice things for me because I realise it must come purely from the heart… it’s these moments where you feel deeply touched by people’s love and kindness that make life truly worth living… like you have earned something…like you have done something right…a much younger me though sensitive to this may not have felt it as keenly…as I do now.
I feel like I might have started off wanting to build a more rooted and material life…more grounded on solid earth... but having been thrust onto a different path….full of uncertainties, unpredictability, experiences, novelties, difficulties, surprises…I realise now that life is so much richer in movement rather than stationary… so much pleasure in owning memories and experiences rather than worldly contraptions and things… so much joy in enriching one’s mind and heart rather than home…that is probably the biggest lesson I have learnt so far…

posted by Sylvia D'souza at 5:03 pm 0 comments
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