To Be or Not To Be

A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
~ Louisa May Alcott

...that more or less describes my situation!

~A Wise Man Said~

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
~ Aristotle
Thursday, August 01, 2019
 

Mom left for Dubai yesterday. She was here with me for about 2 months. It’s funny how I was quite happy in my solitude and even enjoying it before she arrived and now it feels a bit empty and bleak. I know that this is how I’ll feel for a few days or maybe a week or two and then my regular routine will set in and then I will probably even forget what it used to be like with her around. The thing is that one can grow to enjoy company as well as solitude the more one is used to it (or maybe I can because I know a lot of people who can’t imagine living on their own?).
Every little moment or everyday routine calls to mind the person who used to be part of that moment or routine. Say having my tea in the morning I know that she would have made something special for breakfast so having my rather bland tea and toast and eggs I think about how different that moment would have been with her. Or just lying down after lunch looking outside the French window we would have shared some observations on the weather…whether it was too hot or windy or cloudy as if it would rain any moment now. I look over at the sofa seat where she would have been sat and the mind plays tricks on me because I am half asleep, and I almost imagine her half asleep-half awake sensitive to my movements. The minute I lift my head up she will enquire if I feel like having tea…and I will ask her what we should have for snacks. Maybe the frozen samosas or maybe croissants or maybe chips or maybe some raisin bread (or whatever they call it) which I always get from whichever store I may be shopping at because I know she’s fond of it. And yes, shopping at these stores is also a different experience. These two months I have shopped with her tastes and likes in mind…in fruit or veggies or anything else. And she has been cooking with my tastes and likes in mind. I have been stuffing myself with coconut and jaggery and bhajias and all the lovely stuff that are usually an indulgence for me, if even that. I am sure I have put on an enormous amount of weight…at first I was a little worried about putting on weight and reversing the good food habits I had developed, but then I thought to myself that I could anyway restart my good food habits once she was gone so let me indulge while I can… I guess I don’t like doing anything by halves and I can’t say I did :)
Well, it seems strange that even a month or two of a new experience can change the entire climate of one’s mood… but I take heart because the mood will change… like all moods do… as those experiences become a distant memory and newer ones take their place… though to be honest what gives me heart is also the fact that I will see my people again soon… until then I will enjoy the company of the person whose company never ceases to interest me…yes, that’s me ;)

posted by Sylvia D'souza at 10:24 pm 0 comments
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