I am quick to take on the
character of a victim. I am perhaps being a bit harsh on myself but I feel that
whenever something happens, things don't go my way, people don't behave the way
I want, opportunities don't materialise... I immediately become a victim. I
blame my ill luck, my destiny, my circumstances... The good thing is I don't
wallow in this mood for long and move on planning my next course of
action. I might even forget my temporary setbacks if good things happen soon
enough. But, while the victim mood lasts, it's pretty discomfiting... that's
where I am now.
I have to have a word with
myself in this victim phase to paint the situation in its real light which
is never as bad as I imagine it to be. I am thinking to myself now, how very entitled
of me, I have health, I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, I
have people who love me, I have people I adore working with, I have seen
something of the world, I have had opportunities to broaden my mind... I could
think of things I don't have too and make it a moving list but no matter how
moving, it would not even come close to comparison with real victims... those
whose list is the opposite of my "have" list. When I think about
people in India now walking from one state to another because they are
rendered jobless by the lockdown, I feel I should be ashamed to even put
myself in the category of victims. If anything, I should be grateful for
what I have especially because I know what it was to not have...
I am not saying of course that
because some people are much less fortunate than us we do not have the right to
wallow in our own small miseries. I guess we wouldn't be human if we didn't
feel our own troubles more keenly than the world's. But we or rather I need to
develop a thicker skin that bounces back the light balls that life throws at me
rather than falling down all too easily into victimhood! Not everything is
going to go my way nor everyone is going to love me or even know me for
who I am... I must accept that it's just the way life is... and move on without
falling down.
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 7:32 pm
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