For an introverted person, one
would think this lockdown should be water down a duck’s back for me. It is in some
ways. I am a homebody…I love being at home… I work well in my home spaces…I do
not get bored easily…I have umpteen ways to entertain myself…Just sitting and
staring out of the window is something I enjoy…I love my own company in general…
But still, I long for this
lockdown to end. What is it that I am missing? I used to enjoy my sporadic jaunts
outside the home …I enjoyed my weekend shopping, be it getting the grocery or
pottering around the city centre or browsing through charity shops or listening
to the street music or treating myself to new outfits or takeaway food… I also
loved going to the university a few times a week to catch up with some friends
there, have conversations, maybe attend a seminar on some interesting topic…I
also loved the randomness of things, chance events or happenings…and I loved
the in-personness of meetings with my close collaborators, the connecting spark
of ideas would lit my brain for weeks to come…
I guess what I miss really is
the freedom… to stay at home, to go out, to be by myself, to meet people if I
want to meet them… I guess what I miss also is the taken-for-grantedness of
life… my own and my loved ones’ …I did not have to worry that any misstep could
take us to death’s door… I guess what I miss is the certainties and routines…
this summer does not feel like any of the three summers I have had here… and
the coming winter looms large… as if it will not be like any I had before… no
looking forward to or complaining about the same things… the onset of a new
academic year, with new crop of students, familiar rituals, but nothing might
be the same… the seasons are here but the cosy familiarity of them is gone… my
summer clothes still lie in the suitcase…
I long for it to be
not-lockdown soon to be honest…to go back to the familiar world whose joys seem
alien now… I long for home to feel like home…
posted by Sylvia D'souza at 1:02 am
0 comments
