To Be or Not To Be

A little kingdom I possess,
Where thoughts and feelings dwell;
And very hard the task I find
Of governing it well.
~ Louisa May Alcott

...that more or less describes my situation!

~A Wise Man Said~

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
~ Aristotle
Monday, September 14, 2020
 
Are things random or do they have meaning? It seems to me that objectively things may very well be random but our consciousness overlays them with meaning or detects patterns and coincidences that suffuse them with meaning. It's like the question of whether if a tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound? Considering that sound is only what an ear can detect, it is argued that if no human is around to hear it, then there is no sound. So also it seems to me with meaning—it can only be produced by a consciousness; there is no meaning independent of it.

Ever since the virus started, life has been different for all of us I guess. In my case it has perhaps been less different than for most people because of my introverted lifestyle. I don't feel as much of a need for interaction with the outside world or people as most people. When I am occupied in the world of ideas which I am most of the time, I feel intensely alive. Not to say I don't miss people... I have been dreaming about home all the time... but it's a longing which I can hold at bay rather than something I need to sustain me from day to day. My day to day is in the mind.
I have had one strange thing to confront though: my appearance. I have mentioned my developing acne issue before. It has meant I can't even apply the bare minimum products I used to apply on my face. Even otherwise with the pandemic I couldn't do some routine things such as get my eyebrows shaped (I feel like mentioning this is crossing a line on my blog… because I rarely mention physicality at all… hehe). I had to give up or stoically accept all concerns related to the way I look. In video meetings which is what all of us are forced to do these days you come face to face with your face so to speak unlike in a regular meeting where you only see others. It doesn't help if you have a serious face or grim expressions ;) All this has made me feel as if I was being put through a test of sorts…at least that was the meaning I chose to see in the combination of events thrust upon me. As if I was supposed to learn something about vanity with regard to appearance... something I needed to get to grips with. And I did learn. The learning has been liberating in a strange way. I no longer feel conscious of what my face looks like in these video settings... there is a freedom in letting go, in being completely about who you are within which has nothing to do with what you look like without. I am not saying that I don't care or won't care what I look like anymore but I am not overly attached to it or pin my confidence to it. We know that we are not always going to look like what we do today but I guess we are never prepared for when it happens. I feel that I needed the preparation and that is why it came my way...

posted by Sylvia D'souza at 3:53 am 0 comments
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