I feel like I am putting out fires all the time these days, no, this year. Some or the other problem keeps popping up and just as I solve it heaving a sigh of relief, another one pops up. This is keeping me on edge because I am anticipating new fires, new things to go wrong, and I am unable to relax. The good thing is most problems are small and even quickly resolved but the process is proving exhausting, mentally and emotionally… like jumping from one roller coaster to the other not knowing when I will finally settle back on the ground...especially considering I hate roller coasters.

I was thinking today that I have a very strong personality with its own quirks which only very few people are really able to "get" and fewer still are able to handle much less nurture. In spite of all the fires and storms brewing in my life I feel like I have the good fortune of being under a nurturing influence or under the shade of a huge tree. Because of all the stuff going wrong lately I am worried about things that might potentially go wrong...with my superstitious senses working overtime! What would happen when I no longer have this nurturing influence as indeed it does have an expiry date not too far in the future. What then? Will I feel like a child who goes out into the real world and realises how sheltered and protected it is…and wants to run back home. I can't imagine how it must feel if the child has no home to run back to. But perhaps it will learn to face the world? The truth is that I have faced the world for most of my life…but when you find a home and become used to its comfort and shelter, you want to hold on to it. Which is why people call it a ‘comfort zone’ I guess. But I mustn’t forget that I left the biggest comfort zone of my life when I ventured to this country all alone. I have done it before and I can do it again when the time comes. Except, a part of me wishes I won’t have to… and then I realise that everything is actually alright with the world… at least for now…because I am in my home zone.