Dear readers, this Christmas I have no stories of going home, of Dubai, of India, of family, of travel, of different scenes, of sad partings... I am where I am and I am neither happy nor sad...I am sort of at peace...I feel that throughout my childhood and life I have had a tendency to want to hold tightly to people or things...the physical presence or tangibility always seemed very important to me... I am slowly moving into a zone where—maybe it's a sign of maturity? or wisdom?—where just knowing I am loved and the memories I have made seem something to be grateful for... I feel like I don't even need to care if there are reciprocal feelings... because my own heart feels full... of love and blessings... not just of those in my life but those who have left for the heavenly abode as one says... I feel, sitting alone in this house tonight, this Christmas eve... as if they're watching over me... faintly proud, faintly smiling... look, how strong she's become... I feel like I am surrounded by love on all sides and that's more than one can ask for on Christmas... in my younger years I used to see things from a fixed perspective... I now see things with more nuance, I think... I now see people function differently and though it's hard to see things their way sometimes... just the idea that there are many ways makes one realise that... as someone once said... that even if they don't seem to love one the way one would want them to, it doesn't mean they don't love with all they have... I think about some of the things people did and do for me and indeed... if that's not a show of love, I don't know what is... I feel like I must cherish it more for what it is...instead of wanting to box it somehow… and maybe that's something to take into the next year... other than hope... which is a topic for another post!

Don't know why I went into a tangent there, but you, my dear reader, you know you always see more of this more-reflective-than-usual side of me in the Christmas-Birthday months...though this time you might have to bear even more of it what with me being cooped up in myself :)

Merry Christmas!