For the past many years I had grown used to relative stability. The fact that nothing very dramatic happened to pull the carpet under my feet gave me the illusion that I was in a fair bit of control of my life. Obviously there are many things I haven't been able to accomplish in spite of wanting to or wishing to—that is natural for any human—but I mean a general control in that you know what you will be doing next month or next year and you don't see any reason why things shouldn't go according to plan.

The pandemic and a lot of uncertainty that has come with the pandemic where earlier assurances don't hold anymore have made me realise just how precarious and unstable the conditions of life really are. It has made me realise that I have only been lucky the past many years to not have encountered any dramatic or life changing event. In that sense, nothing really was or is in my control. I am only in control to the extent that the conditions are stable or unchanging but anything can happen any moment to change them. This realisation makes me feel as if I haven't appreciated just how fortunate I have been in some ways. Yes, your intelligence, strategies, plans, determination, hard work all count... but they can be turned into dust in the blink of an eye. 

I guess there is nothing we can do about the things we can't control but this profound sense of how insignificant our efforts can be rendered by the universe brings with it humility and gratitude. If I or anyone achieves or does not achieve something it is also to a great extent because it was made (im)possible by conditions that we neither could control nor effect in our favour/disfavour.