I am feeling a bit under the weather... not heavily so but a general, vague sense. I can't even put my finger on the why. Almost every day I want to say something on this blog but writing this and that on this forum and that on social media sort of leaves me at a loss at the end of the day... like my words have been spent. This bothers me a bit... what I really like about writing on this blog is that I am not oriented specifically to my views being accepted, liked or even understood for that matter. Not to say I don't try my best to be clear but I don't have any expectation of understanding, reciprocation, approval, approbation, agreement... nothing. I feel this is soothing in one way but in another way I ask myself why I need to expect these things anywhere else either? Why can't I adopt this attitude in general to be emotionally distant or detached from feedback, praise, criticism, indifference, etc.? I don't mean that I should ignore constructive feedback or not work on improvement but my stress here is on "emotional detachment" or on not being moved by praise or lack of it. In other words, whether people offer praise or whether they don't see any merit in what I say should not be the scale on which to weigh the strength or weakness or validity of my message. If they indeed do have valid criticism, that should also not make me feel bad but rather good that I was offered a chance to reorient my thinking. The problem is vanity makes one focus on external perception/reception instead of internal coherence, sense, depth, quality of message. This is where I sometimes feel I would profit more by spending more words on my blog than anywhere else... but that is a bit like closing my eyes because I don't want the world to look at me. What is really needed is for me to work on my own attitude rather than escape the avenues that put a demand on me.