I was watching this Spanish Netflix series Three Days of Christmas which started with a thought that's been on my mind. It said that we truly live only in childhood, after that it's just memories. Lately when I go to sleep I have flashes of memories of all sorts of past events, moments, times. It's like a pastiche of ordinary and poignant stuff, and me looking on at myself... wishing I could go back and relive some of these moments. I feel like I didn't fully appreciate them. I don't know if it's the pandemic that's brought this on because it all starts with me wishing I could be home... and then thinking about people at home, our former times... I don't know if things were normal I would still be experiencing this yearning for the old, or if it's just a regular part of growing older... where the more time elapses, the more memories beckon. Or maybe it's just me... this blog isn't named nostalgica for nothing ;)

What if we had two lives and we could apply the lessons we learnt in one life to the next? Some would say that already happens if you were to believe in rebirth, but then you don't consciously remember anything so how do you apply the lessons? What if one could remember, what if you didn't have only one shot at everything, what if you could do things all over again... what would you do differently? Like some sort of hindsight being applied forward. In the other life new events would happen so how useful would this hindsight really be? Don't we keep making the same mistakes even though we learn lessons in the past? Some we do, some we don't.

I would cherish a lot of moments more, I feel... but what would it mean to cherish them more? I couldn't make them stop! How would it be to cherish more if I  just thought of it as a moment I love and that won't come back...wouldn't it be even less of living that specific moment? The hard fact is there's nothing one can do to hold or grasp a moment... it slips like sand from our fingers as they say. Maybe these memories I have, that is the only thing one can cherish... like the feel of the sand even after it slips through... that no one can take away from me.