I am in the middle of making the biggest investment I have ever made in my life at the point of purchase. It's a bit daunting for that reason but also daunting because it's all on me in a way. This decision, so to speak... I have taken advice from people close to me but ultimately it is my decision, and a decision I will literally have to live with, or live in more accurately speaking :) You folks know that in spite of my hard logical stance, I am actually an intuitively inclined person... my intuition also leads me to confront ideas like fate, design, and what not...  almost in spite of all my logic, when it comes down to the really important things, I go with my intuition rather than with rationality... This investment in a very real sense is what my intuition has wanted me to bank on. It was a vision in a sense, and since when I had it, I knew that it had to be done even if I was paying more than I should be paying for it. That's what I mean, when it gets down to it, I am not all that logical :)

With this one big thing and some other things, I seem to be embroiled in dealings with the practical world a lot more these days. Not my favourite mode but I suppose you have to do what you have to do... In one such interaction, where I am looking to get something done, the lady wrote to me these words, "Leave it with me". I realised that these words have always given me a very 'warm and fuzzy' feeling. I started thinking about why that might be? I find it very hard to trust people. Maybe part of it is my natural wiring and part of it is that people always end up letting me down. Maybe part of that part is that I have very high standards. If a person says they will meet me at 5.00 pm, I am going to be there at 4.50 pm, but they will usually turn up after 5.00 pm. So I expect them to let me down from the get-go. If someone arrives early, I am like, 'wait a minute, maybe there is a possibility for trust here'! But that is very rare. And if it happens at that point, chances are they will let me down in other ways eventually. I am in a way expecting that to happen but also keeping an open mind. I would love to be surprised, you know! So I think it is because of this lack of trust in other people or lack of trust that they will meet my high standards, I tend to control everything around me as much as possible. I tend to do things independently as much as possible. If I do everything, there is no scope of anyone letting me down, is there? Because the one person who will certainly not let me down, is me. All this happens almost unconsciously. And because this has been my way of operating for so long, this independence has become ingrained in me. It's not something I can just shake off. Perhaps when someone says the words, "leave it with me", it comes as an invitation to share the burden. It comes as a bit of a relief that I do not have to do it all on my own or control all. Maybe I can trust another? It's usually when I am out of my depth that somebody must have to say this. Like the processes associated with this investment. There is an element of confidence in these words too. 'Trust me, I'll take care of it, do not worry, I am the expert', that's what it implies. For someone like me who finds it so hard to trust, rather paradoxically when somebody simply demands me to trust, it feels kind of reassuring. Maybe part of it is that I trust confident individuals more... Though of course I know that people who use the right words are not always the people who will go the distance. But I suppose they give you hope that maybe, just maybe, they will...