Recently I read this therapist's advice to a person who said they don't have the will or energy to make a sandwich. The therapist asked them why they don’t just eat the meat, veggies, bread etc that would have gone into the sandwich instead. It would do the same job. Why did they have to do what everyone else was doing ‘normally’? Another example was of someone who found it hard to shower with the lights on because of body image issues. The answer was why they don't switch the lights off. Why do you have to do something a certain way because everyone does it that way, or that’s the way for some arbitrary reason it is supposed to be done? Why not do it in a way that works for you (and doesn’t hurt anyone else)? Why not do what feels comfortable, satisfying, doable to you?

I have to say that this advice resonates with me a lot. Until just a year or so ago, I feel like I was hanging on a lot more to my ideas of how things need to be done. Taking it easy made me feel guilty, like I was slipping up on some unstated standard. I do believe it's good that I have this strong sense of discipline that makes me push through things even when I am not feeling it or when I am not that motivated. It stands me in good stead in areas such as my writing. However, in other areas I want to give myself a lot more grace, I should say. I want to be kinder to myself, say when it comes to cooking or cleaning. I want to do what feels comfortable or doable. I don’t want to feel like I am letting go of discipline but rather that not all things demand that kind of discipline. Nor do they need to be done a certain way because that’s how it’s always been done, or everybody does it that way. It’s okay to go easy, to just be sometimes. To give an example, I do not like wasting food at all. It's something I have learnt from childhood where we didn't really have abundance. It's sort of stuck on. But there are occasions when it's kinder to myself to throw out something than to force myself to consume it, or to have food from outside than to cook. That's the balance I try to maintain where I am not being completely thoughtless about buying/wasting, but not so hung up about it that it sucks the joy out of my everyday life. I try to make space for what feels more comfortable and easier at times... It takes some getting used to. But feels good to give yourself permission to not make everything a target you have got to achieve :)