I was just reading this story about a man who survived the Titanic, was asked to amputate his leg because he had a frostbite from the icy water, refused it, and went on to become a world tennis champion. I am amazed not just at the resilience and grit to survive and achieve success from such a difficult point but also struck by the confidence or faith or whatever it was that made him refuse the amputation. The risk involved in refusing what might have been an expert opinion to simply trust his own intuition or gut. I feel immensely inspired by this especially at this moment when I am reflecting on my own very low tolerance of risk and uncertainty... and how that causes tremendous anxiety for me whenever I am put in a situation where I have to make a decision that could be potentially risky. But when I look back on my life, I also feel I have actually made many decisions that most people would think are very risky. Such as the decision to leave everything... job, emotional bonds, support systems, stability, familiarity... all the things that ground me fundamentally... to come here where I had nothing and no one.

I am not at all what might be called an adventurous person who gets a kick out of the unknown. I'll take the known every day of my life and I will not be bored. And yet I took the risk to give up all that I know at one point... though I did not have to. So there must be something more in me. It is not that I do not take risks or do not venture into uncertainty. But perhaps it's natural to feel this tremendous turmoil given how much I like stabilities and certainties. It was not easy to make that decision then though I have forgotten just how difficult it was. And it is not easy to make these kinds of decisions now. It is perhaps my subconscious or intuition working out everything, weighing up pros and cons, pushing through all possibilities to see future outcomes... It takes a toll. Maybe it's a good thing too compared to simply jumping in headfirst without making any calculations...