I wrote this when I was having a dramatic moment. I have since calmed down ;)

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There is this quote which a friend shared with me ages ago. We were in college then. But I still remember it: 'It is easy to die for a friend but it is hard to find a friend worth dying for'. Time and again when I have felt someone was worth pushing myself out of my comfort zone for, putting myself out there for, going out on a limb for, I have done it. Only to realise I shouldn't have bothered. There are many things that come easy to people that take a whole lot more out of me. If they truly are a friend, I would want them to notice the humungous effort, the deliberate intention, the depth of emotion, underlying affection, the anxiety and vulnerability, everything that goes into my being there for them. Mostly they don't. That's when I wonder why bother. I rarely want to take such troubles now. One could argue you can't say until you do. That's true perhaps. But the disappointment is too much. It hurts too much. Cynicism has its uses. It protects you in a way. When you have accepted nothing is worth it and there's no point really, you can move on. Focus on the things that are rewarding. That won't let you down. People on the other hand? They will. Time and time again. They have no clue what it takes for you to show up. So when you do, you will wonder why you even bothered. The tom, dick, and harry would have done for them as well. Very well it would seem. That's what they'll make you feel. So why bother?